Where the Blacktop Ends.

I’m stubborn.  I think I’ve said that several times the last few weeks.  But it is the truth.  And in my own stubbornness and arrogance, I’ve done more harm to myself and to others by hiding behind these shields.  Because, honestly, I’ve been struggling.  It is by my own means, pressure on myself, living in more of a fear of disappointing others than in the confidence of knowing that who I am is enough.  My family is on my heart and I’ve been missing my dear friends who have been in the states working on their visas.  At the same time I wanted to be strong for others, care for others, and be someone people around me could count on all the time.  Rest was sparse and my mind continued to think of more I could do.

I lost sight of community, of family.  

I couldn’t admit that I needed help, if anything, someone to talk to…though the opportunities and invites were more than abundant.  “I’m fine, good even” was my response.  Because it is true.  I know I am fine, things will be good.  I’m in Spain with family here, serving those I truly believe in, close to my street children in Tangier, and teaching children.  So how could I complain?  But as smooth as that is, there are times when the blacktop ends.  And it is in those moments where I know and will remember that in community and family, I can ask for help during the bumps and holes I will face in life.

Let’s face it, though life can be a smooth ride at times…Life happens, truth is revealed, and we have to be vulnerable where the blacktop ends… 

5 thoughts on “Where the Blacktop Ends.

  1. I’ve recently gone through the same thing!!! Thank you for sharing your heart. It’s definitely something I needed to read. Love you tons and tons!!

  2. I love it when you blog or connect with me and I am reminded to PRAY.
    I love to come before our Father in Heaven on your behalf.
    I am so glad He is providing wisdom and revelation in your moments where there is no blacktop.
    I am so excited that you are getting to know Him more through these experiences…and pealing away another level of yourself to get to the core of who He desires you to be.
    Love you my dear friend,

  3. May you find rest and peace in HIS ARMS Jen and in the arms of those around you that too love you (spiritual fam)! I know it is hard not being with your natural family during the holidays. Praying! Love you! xo

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